Being unemployed sucks. But I have only myself to blame. Unlike millions of other people, I chose to leave my job. Okay, I admit that it wasn’t a difficult a choice to make. Move to one of the coolest cities in the U.S. so my husband can take an incredible job? Yes, please. Take advantage of the chance to find a job I’ll really enjoy. As luck and my amazing husband would have it, yes.
That doesn’t mean I’m not worried about my future. I mean, it could take me another year to find a job, and then no one will hire me ever again. I could be unemployed for the rest of my life. And then I will have wasted $20k on a graduate education that I absolutely, positively, totally convinced myself I’d need in order to find a good job. I can’t just let my skills go to waste. I want to be a valuable member of the workforce. I want to live! I’ll stay alive no matter what occurs!
Being unemployed sucks because it’s a lot like being undead. I can’t admit that I’m dead, so I spend my days praying someone will see me and acknowledge that I’m alive. Each time I get a rejection e-mail I celebrate, “I’m a real person now!” Because at least getting rejected means that someone somewhere read my resume. But then the reality sets in…why wasn’t I considered for the job? How come I’m not a good match? Don’t I have the requisite skills? Is there a typo on my resume? Does this cover letter make me look fat?
Only the strong survive being unemployed. If you can’t take the constant assault on your self-worth, being unemployed is not for you. And, well, I believe I’m a failure if I’m not employed and making money. And don’t tell me money isn’t everything. Sure. Who needs to own a house? I like throwing thousands of dollars a month away on rent. Money pays the heating bill, buys food and clothing and water. Water is nice if you like to bathe. Money also buys health and dental insurance, which I appreciate because, ya know, it’s nice to get screened for stupid things like cancer. And please don’t tell me that I need to redefine my idea of success either. Don’t tell me that I need to learn to want the things I already have, not the things I need money to buy. It’s a shame that money’s a necessity to buy so many of life’s necessities. And it’s criminal that most of life’s necessities are so fucking expensive.
Of course, as soon as I do get a job, I’ll complain about it. I’ll whine that what I really want is the opportunity to be a stay-at-home wife, to spend my days walking the dogs and cooking and writing. That’s all I’ve been doing for the last six weeks—walking the dogs and cooking and writing. Well, so far this post is the only thing I’ve written because I’ve spent more time playing video games, so back to the want-ads I go. Think maybe I can find work as a motivational speaker?
